Finally I have got myself heading on the right path. I have struggled with eating and overtraining and OCD for just about long enough, times have got to change and I have got to change. I have triedit my way for long enough and it clearly isn't working, If I want to reach my full potential and actually make a mark on cycling then I have to start doing it right.
The first step on this long journey back to where I was and progress even further is to establish what went wrong and how to correct it. What went wrong? Well that's easy. I became obsessed with training, I was doing to much and doing it with too much intensity. I had been racing all last year and then went straight in to the cyclocross season as well as upping my normal training load. I did all of this a didn't have any down time, this was a big mistake.
On top of this, my eating disorder, which I developed when I was younger had flaired up again and I became obsessed with my weight and becoming supper lean. With the huge training load I was doing I should have been eating 4-5000 kcal a day, instead I cut back on my food and was hardly eating the recomended daily amount. As a result, my weight began to drop but because I had no fat on me the weight I was lossing was muscle, along with that went my power. Bad news.
This became noticable during the cross season, I started off great, right up there for the win but as the season progressed I got worse and worse. I tried to blame something else or make up other excuses but it was puerly because I was being eaten by myself!
Soon everything began to suffer, my training, my social relationships and eventually my general health. After breaking Down during training time after time I conceded I had a problem and need help. The first step was admitting the problem which I had no problem doing, next step was the doctors. After a few blood tests and other examinations, the doctor confirmed I had overtraining syndrome compounded by an eating disorder. I pretty much new this anyway but when your told it to your face by a doctor it sort of hits hard.
So where do I go from here? First things first, get the weight back on. This is harder than It sounds as my eating disorder prevents me from wanting to eat and put on weight but finally I had a bit of a break through and have got my head round eating the extra calories. I ended up loosing 6kg in the winter so I have to atleast put this back on to get anywhere near my previous levels. We calculated how many calories I would need to meet my demands and it was huge. I struugle to eat huge amounts of food so I decided to go about the extra calories by having a weight gain supplement. I have been taking the drink for about 2 weeks now and can already feel the difference. My weight has increased slightly but the biggest and most pleasing development is how much better my training has become. All winter I had been training in a depleted state with no energy. But now I am training with fuel and it feels amazing, my training has become high quality and consistant, I actually enjoy riding my bike again. My recovery from training has also improved, instead of having days of heavy legged sorness i am ready to go again in half the time.
I have just had an appointment at a sports clinic in oxford which is helping me with my problems. They have referred me to a nutritionalist to get my eating and calorie Intake sorted out and we may also explore hypnothreapy or cognetive mind therapy to help me with my mental issues.
The guys there are fantastic and I really feel this will make a huge difference to me.
Overall I'm pleased with the way things are going and how I am feeling at the moment, I'm finding riding and training fun again, my general mood and view on life has changed and I'm generally feeling more healthy. Hopefully things will keep gong this way and I will see just how good a cyclist I actually can be. As for now, I just gotta keep eating! :)
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